White Lady Song

editor's note: This honestly happened to me this week, and I was mortified, but here's my attempt at relaying it in all its splendor.

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On the 2 train this week, an older, messy looking black man stepped onto the crowded car with a guitar in his hands and a portable amp. "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention," which, if you ride Mass Transit, is the official signal for "normal riders" to immediately pretend to read or look down, around, the floor, whatever they could do to absolutely not give him what he'd asked for. I was standing across from the man and our eyes met. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to play some songs, and this song, this song is dedicated to The White Lady. White Lady in the glasses," he smiled, pointing at me,

"White Lady, this one's for you."

When someone publicly, and loudly exposes you as "The White Lady," which is not entirely incorrect, but certainly not polite, and is about to sing "your song," with lyrics expressly for "you," "The White Lady," you're naturally nervous that he would expose your poor dance skills. But I am here to tell you readers, that my White Lady Song wasn't so bad. The black man sang about the world not wanting us together, also about my glasses, and that I was tall. The serenade ended with "Do you play, basketball, White Lady?"

And of course I don't (I'm white). All in all, the song wasn't so bad. Not nearly as bad as his song for "Miss Lee, the Chinese Lady at the end of the car."

"Miss Lee, Miss Lee, this one's for you." Her song was to the tune of "Kung Foo Fighting," and when he passed her with his open donation garbage bag, he told her, "I take fortune cookies." Which I guess she didn't have that day.