one fewer

This guy bought a Range Rover and now he doesn't need or want it anymore. He wants to take it off the road for good in an effort to raise awareness about the various environmental issues associated with modern cars. If you can come up with some kind of fantastic spectacle that people will enjoy, he might do it. Submit your ideas now and later vote for the best of them.

I think he kind of has to come up with some kind of clever adult version of strapping firecrackers to it the way you did with your toys when you were 10. Then he can drop a giant rock on it, drive it right into the ocean, bury it in the sand, throw it out his brothers second floor window, leave it in the middle of the street and wait for cars to run it over, feed it to the dog, try to flush it down the toilet, poop on it, light it on fire, leave it behind the garage, and forget about it. That's right....he can poop on it.

Also, don't steal my idea, I'll be submitting it (probably not). (definitely not)

One of the shared computers at the office.

What's up, Dementia!

subtitled: Where is My Mind by the Pixies.

This morning on the subway I decided I would buy a whole wheat bagel for breakfast. Only for a good five minutes, in a train tunneling below the Hudson, I could not remember what my favorite bagel was called. What's worse, "whole wheat bagel" crossed my mind, but I dismissed it, thinking "there is no such thing." Seriously, I get one like more than once a week. WTF.

at the office

Predator-Off: Leopard vs. Croc

from The Telegraph

Southern Comfort

I think we weathered the flu-storm and it is breaking, but on Sunday:

AP was battling a nearly 103 fever in an air-conditioned room. I fed him drugs and pressed a cold compress to his brow, forehead, and neck. As I tried to cool him, I spoke in my best southern belle accent.

"Husband, I nevah doubted you'd return from the woe-ah. But when you'd left, parta me left right along. As a fancy lady, I knew only indoor pastimes, all things respectable, I had no way to support ma-self after you'd gone to fight for the South. When ma pa, the good preacha died, and I could no longa sustain, so I hi-ed a rough girl hand. She was everythin I wasn't, but under her firm guide, I learned to work the land and even killed a cock. Two women, workin the land as any man could, maybe bettah. We had hour struggles, the wintah, men tryin to take advantage, but we sustained with the help of Jack White of the White Stripes. Then you returned ta me, against all odds, but I feah your chances ain't so good. Husband, I think you may get shot on Cold Mountain right after we make love foah the first time. Just a feelin. Shit ain't it. But rest now. Build your strength."

TMT haz the flu.

Be back soon.

Photo Friday

Check out these little dudebros from photographer David Doubilet on the National Geographic site.

Control

People, if I asked you to, could you shit your pants? Ok, imagine it wasn't me who was asking. Imagine you just wanted to prove you could do it. That you are the boss of you and no societal rule (like "this is where and when you can do your business") is going to change that. Could you then?

When I was a child, I didn't like to pee at school. So after a long day of holding it, I would rush home. And sometimes the garage door wouldn't open, sometimes I would fumble my keys. On those days, I peed my pants. I was old enough to still remember the feeling, the warm pooling of my jeans and the resulting sting of not only my chaffed thighs, but my humiliation. I knew what I did was bad. I knew it from my early days when they made me know it.

So my question is... could you? Could you hack it?

dudes and rings

I don't have anything against it, I just come from a place where no men I know really where rings. I kind of feel like you have to be either a gypsy or an Italian to pull it off. Any thoughts?

Smoking

TMT leaves New York in about a week. I'm currently reading Kerouac's On the Road to fully embrace the history of our westward move. In an excerpt I read this morning, Kerouac was looking back fondly at his home, described NYC as holy, brown smoke. I want to pick up with that last part.

I feel sort of lucky to have experienced the last bit of smoking in New York. These days, they've banned smoking nearly everywhere. The filthy habit/established social occasion has moved out. Probably a good thing, but some of my favorite collegiate memories show me with a cigarette in my hand.

Sitting on an icy bench in Brooklyn, getting ready for class with a sour black coffee and a smoke. Even had those fingerless gloves so I could do it unencumbered. Gathering, talking to people I wouldn't normally have. "Do you have an extra..." I got two boyfriends that way. Late nights on the Alibi deck giving away my whole pack because I was more drunk and generous as the night wore on. Being asked by the sickly transvestite on Myrtle Ave for a light. Not having one for her this time. But I would catch her later because she was always outside of the Penny Candy Bodega. Then there was that nighttime Bonanza Bus ride from Port Authority to RI. A crazy man ran up the dark aisle past me and stabbed a sleeping stranger. After the offender was flattened and carted off, the entire bus stood outside smoking. We lined up in the breakdown along 95 at what must have been midnight, looking at all the headlights and sending a big cloud up.

I don't smoke anymore, and wouldn't ever again. All my friends who did, have since broken the habit, which is maybe why I can look back on all the gross inhaling with fondness. But I can, and do. Do you?

Roll Out

I'm kind of alright with China invading the US if this is how they do it.

!!!

the mechanics of toilet paper use with diagrams and thoughtful explanations

from
Current Configuration
Essential Life Lesson #1: Over is Right, Under is Wrong

RIP

Blog de la Revolution.

Well I, for one, am extremely disappointed in you both. Also, you shouldn't live in sin with your boyfriends. Also, give me grandchildren. You will never measure up.

I hate sitting like a lady.

In the heat, nothing beats a really flowy skirt. Free as a bird, wind at your thighs, fantastic. But with great privilege comes great responsibility, and with skirts, that means I have to sit like a lady. Let me tell you, I slipped for two minutes on the train yesterday. I wasn't spread eagle or anything, but I forgot the predatory nature of mass transit, that my slight knee part was enough to invite Joe Pervs-alot as he slouched lower in his seat, depraved and bald and married. I shut up like a trap.

It's the only time I've wished I had a penis.
Just to give him a real, startling eye-full.

Picture this, ye with poor vision...if you can:

Tomorrow, there is some kind of disaster from which our capitalistic society cannot recover. And that's not even the bad part. Corporations close. Manufacturers no longer manufacture. Eventually the world's supply of contact lenses runs out and you are left with only your glasses. What if you slip climbing down a mountain and crack them on a rock, or if when you are swinging across the deserted remnants of the Brooklyn Bridge, you drop your specs into the river below?

Those with good eye sight will have the advantage over us. My squinty friends, I think it's best we kill them now in guarded anticipation for our eventual blindness. What say you?

AWK

What happened to Andrew W.K.? I looked him up yesterday and I came across this (above) strangeness in his pictures section. Then I read about him on wikipedia and for some reason this time around it creeped me out a little. I hate to say that because I always thought the only thing that is weird about this guy is that he is so effing positive. I kind of liked that. I think what it boils down to is that his incredibly intense positivity brought him right up to the line of being a lunatic but until he put on some makeup, he never crossed it. (Also, he always has looked like a crazy person...and he kind of has a Joker smile.) Now I don't know. I was almost scared a little. Then I read that he produced the new Lee 'Scratch' Perry album and I fell back in love. Here is the good old AWK just to make me feel better again.

Slip N Slide

just now i was remembering the Slip N Slide. 2 things: the obvious displeasure of careening partially off the rubber edge, and the resulting grass ass (dirty blades stuck to your butt). Both worth it.

Stroke, Grip, and the Shuttlecock.

TMT played a lot of Badminton this 4th of July weekend. While our method of play is pretty laid back (beer in left hand, racket in right), the sport as a whole can get pretty intense. "The Smash," the power stroke, can reach up to 206 mph, exceeding any other racket sport projectile.

Fun with Alzheimer's

*TMT thinks Alzheimer's Disease is incredibly sad and serious, but every so often, shit's hilarious.

Grandma (pointing): Whose dog is that?

Grandaughter: Um, Grandma, that's my boyfriend, Miguel.

Grandma: Oh how nice.

*Miguel is a handsome young man, and this is certainly not a reflection on him. Just Grandma.

Yo Harper!

TOYAKO, Japan (Reuters) - U.S. President George W. Bush on Monday kept up his tradition of informal relations with fellow world leaders by summoning Prime Minister Stephen Harper with a brusque "Yo Harper!"

Well done, Mr. President. Next up, back massage.

Ikea Hacker

I don't know how I stumbled across this, but it seems like it could be great if you are feeling adventuress/want expand on your interior design but keep your Ikea budget. Check out Ikea Hacker.

uhhhhhhhhhhh

I know this was a huge fad in the 80's but I totally missed it, I think I was too young. If it comes back around, I'm probably going to miss it again. There's a video too.