Friday, January 30, 2009


Today, for one reason or another, I visited a James Franco fansite.

And it got me thinking: Who are these people that run fansites?
Do they have jobs? This one was really well put together, surprisingly so. Who has this kind of time?

What a blast from the past. I thought the heyday of fansites was the mid 90's, when I frequented AOL chatrooms and my "15/F/RI," was a wild overestimation.
I was a sexy 12.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Top Chef Fan Favorite


New Year's Resolutions BLOW...The Burger Edition

The Dootz: man everyone just got burgers for lunch and it smells so good

Big Green: oh man.
I bet your canine teeth are all mashing together
and you're salivating

The Dootz:
I am.
But I will enjoy my weight watchers meal.

Readers, Do you have any New Year's Resolutions that bite the big one?

For your consideration...Steamed Ravioli

These were shocking, delicious, and EZ PZ.
Seriously Ravs in like 2 min. no pans!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Not to be outdone by Cate Blanchett...

Kate Winslet does a kid.

Which of these men is Chauncey Billups?


To prove I'm not a sad sack, a little life lesson from Calvin's Dad...

(click on strip to enlarge)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Go Big or Go Home

So today I was riding my bike and...

Monday, January 26, 2009

And another episode of "Giuliani, smelling worse than a subway car filled with piss waft"

AP mentioned Obama's GITMO proposed closing. I share this in response...

Rudy Giuliani told Sean Hannity, "People that we have released from Guantanamo have gotten involved in terrorist activities again and killed people, innocent people, Americans
...What are you going to do, send them to the United States or—nobody wants them." Giuliani says that he hopes the closing is only "a symbolic act rather than a real one."

I'd like to symbolically shove my foot up Giuliani's ass. Really taste the toes.

(Tipped from Gothamist)

Why didn't anyone tell me...

Will Smith was a Scientologist?

I feel so disillusioned, but mostly left out of the loop.

Friday, January 23, 2009 gets the Obama treatment


Thursday, January 22, 2009

More Stuff

First, the president's first orders of business:  Freezing the salary of his senior aides, and creating more transparency within government.  
 “Starting today,” Mr. Obama said, “every agency and department should know that this administration stands on the side not of those who seek to withhold information, but those who seek to make it known."

Also, he shut down Guantanamo today.

Second, a response to our post yesterday (January 21) a quote from a January 20, NY Times Op-Ed (this mirrors some comments we got):
To hear most American leaders tell it, the Constitutional freedom of religion allows you to be a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist, a Christian Scientist, a Sikh — well you get the idea. Basically, a member of any religion. But they never talk about people who do not participate in an organized religion, or are even — gasp! — atheists.
Until today. In talking about defending the American way of life in a frightening world, Mr. Obama said: “We know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and non-believers.”
Third, my first (of many) personal email from President Obama.

The Academy of Boners

This year's nominees for the Academy Awards are out. They're frustratingly familiar names, Hollywood elite. Seriously, it seems just 10 actors shuffled around into new roles and gowns. I used to get excited. But now I am just bored with the whole thing.

"We pretty much all tune in, despite the grotesquerie of watching an industry congratulate itself on its pretense that it's still an art form, of hearing people in $5,000 gowns invoke lush clich├ęs of surprise and humility scripted by publicists, etc.-the whole cynical postmodern deal-but we all still seem to watch. To care."

This, from the late David Foster Wallace in his '98 essay, "Big Red Son" (from Consider the Lobster). Wallace offers an alternative to the predictably overblown AAs for those of u
s craving something more...

"Every January, the least pretentious city in America hosts the Annual AVN Awards. The AVN stands for Adult Video News, which is sort of the Variety of the US porn industry."

Wallace's depiction of the predictably vulgar weekend in Las Vegas (that coincides every year with the International Consumer Electronics Show, or CES, starring Bill Gates and other notables in the world of Consumer Tech. Men who will surely take a shuttle bus over the "Adult Software Exhibition," to oh so awkwardly approach (if they've the guts) their favorite hard core porn stars. Women they've seen climax. Their buttholes.)

"Big Red Son" was a piece Wallace wrote for Premiere, suspecting the mainstream magazine would publish very little of it. Wallace details the events of the weekend from the point of view of "your correspondents," (Wallace pluralized? or supposedly a couple of journalists who are not adult entertainment journalists) as they're led around by real porn writers, "Harold Hecuba" and "Dick Filth."

I can't say much more. You all should read this essay (with
its wonderful footnotes) because it is hilarious, surprisingly poignant, entertaining and yes, oh so filthy. Knowing my father reads this blog, I can't tell you just how filthy.

Ok one anecdote. But I'm warning you dad and other relatives, STOP HERE. If you keep going, it says more about you than me. It is your failing, not mine.


Our correspondents find themselves in the hotel room of acclaimed Gonzo director, Max Hardcore, interviewing him and his crew. (Gonzo porn is popular, usually with a hand-held camera, usually with co-eds in some tropical locale. A seeming documentary, Gonzo connects some schmo to "real girls," really porn starlets, that are seriously sexually degraded while schmo's "buddy" gets the whole thing on tape.)...

Max "wants to show your corresps. something from this week's filming that he thinks will sum up his particular porn genius better than any amount of exposition could..." "What it is is we got this one little girl back in the [infamous MAXWORLD] trailer, and after some face-fuckin [27] and reaming her asshole and, like, your standard depravities, we get her to stick a pen—no, a what-do-you-call..."

Crewman: "Magic Marker."

Max: "...Magic Marker, stick it up her asshole and write all this...this stuff,"

holding up his notebook, opened to a page; again he has us pass it around:

[27] = fellatio? = very energetic French kissing?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Diversity of Species

by OroVerde, via FFFFOUND!

Speaking of School...

...This semester, the Dootz is taking...
"Cybercrime and Terror

in the Digital Age!"

Readers, what's the craziest course you've ever taken?

Teacherly Concerns

I start teaching again on Monday and am going over my class list.
Nice names, but man I hope none of them are horribly disfigured. Or 40 years old.
Either would throw me for a loop that I'm just not prepared for on the first day.

God does the Inauguration

Ok, I'm an atheist, but can't we objectively say that the inauguration was chock-
full of holy invocation?

At first, it didn't bother me. AP was pretty pissed (he unapologetically hates God nods), but I justified it. It was Obama's choice to say "so help me god" in the oath and I thought he deserved the right to add a little personal flavor. But dammit if it didn't just keep on.

Looking back, the ceremony resembled a mass. Not a Sunday variety, but a kind of church wedding--a special occasion with a divine thread. Two holy men, "GOD" bandied about, bibles (however cool)*

In fact, some atheist and non-religious groups did try to file lawsuits to keep those many references out of the ceremony. They were unsuccessful. This just from Obama's speech:

"remained the words of Scripture...enduring spirit...the God-given promise...We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers...satisfying to the spirit...God calls on us...God's grace upon us...God bless you...And God bless the United States of America."

I understand that it's impossible not to slight somebody when you make such a sweeping speech, but I do take issue with the phrase "non-believer." It seems a decidedly negative term. If words like "belief" and "faith" and "spirit" can exist outside of religion (I am doubtful), then they are surely positive. Well, I'm a "non." That chaps my ass.

I imagine an America where there is no separation between church and state and it looks a lot like this one.

*Note about the Lincoln Bible: Obama was the only president to use it since Lincoln's first inauguration in 1861. The man who administered the oath back in the day: Chief Justice Roger Taney. Four years earlier, Taney wrote the Supreme Court's decision to upholding slavery. (Awkward!)

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Spiderman makes fun of Joe Biden, and gets a fist pump from Obama

thanks to Gus who gave me a heads up on this.

Does Biden look like the Vulture though?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Top Chef Mid-Season Review

Big Green is in Green. AP is in Blue.

Ariane is a Jersey Mom with cooking chops and the only contestant with a tan in winter. She made good turkey.

I just can't picture someone so Jersey winning this.
She is tall and strange and heartwarming. She says "whooly who" in the supermarket to find her husband.

Wildcard, Bitches! Her quirkiness, and positivity has won me over.
Fabio is so obviously charming. Seems talented, and to embrace most charming italian stereotypes. Still the silly italian music Bravo plays when he talks is pretty offensive. Ravioli.

He's going to come in second place and say something about being Italian.
AP calls him something, but I forget. Anyway, he seems pretty talented and genuine, except for those s'mores with what looked like snot or ejaculate on top.

I call this guy Jorax. Not really a fan, seems a bit whiney and honestly I don't like the Stefan hating.
All scallops, all the time.

Maybe it's the way Bravo edits her but she's another whiner. Hopefully she'll go home next week after cooking another scallop.
Jeff is windswept. I want him to kick some ass b/c he seems skilled and a really hard worker/leader, but hasn't wowed my visual 'buds yet.

He'll come in third place or I guess kind of a second place tie with Fabio since they usually pick the winner from the final three. He's the non-italian second place.
Leah wins a lot. Should be in the finals.

I like her more each episode. I think/hope she will be in the final four with Jeff, Fabio, and Stefan. She's good.
Radhika is solid, but should take more risks, so I can remember anything she cooks.

Who's Radhika? Um I don't really know. She seemed a little pissed when they said they were going to 'borrow' Indian food from her culture in the Something New, Old, Borrowed, Blue episode. I liked that.
Stefan is cocky as hell. He's like a shiny bald french bullet come to take the title.

He's going to win. He's obviously the one to beat. He has a pack of haters following him around.

Another reason I hate cell phones.

So, over the vacation I finally saw Rambo (First Blood). I was taken with it. My favorite part was probably the canvas shirt/dress he made for himself. That and the killing. I liked that he killed everyone, but I felt kind of bad for the redhead. Redheads don't deserve that, especially not that one, not like that.

But anyway, in the end, when Brian Dennehy was caught alone on the roof, when Rambo hunted him down and was blowing up everything around him, AP turned and said, "That would never happen these days. Not with cell phones."

I predict that in 2009

...I will face off with a billy goat.

...I will win.

...Defeated, he will either a) die on the battle field or b) ask me for a ride to the hospital.

...If he asks me for a ride to the hospital, I will lay him in the back of my Jetta, hit the gas, and then yell siren sounds out of the window loud as I can.

...Other animals will look up from their grazing to see us race by. They will think the distraction rude.

...When we reach the highway, the goat will ask me what all our fighting was about to begin with.

...I will shake my head. "You know, I really can't remember anymore."

...For the rest of the ride to the ER, we will laugh about life. About how silly animals are, their useless fighting, and how stupid we both looked with our machetes.