IMPORTANT NOTICE:

Tootsie Rolls — Not Vegetarian
Tootsie Pops — Vegetarian

For some reason the chewy chocolate center of your Tootsie Pop is slightly different then a regular Tootsie Roll. An important difference - Gelatin. It also seems as though Vanilla and the Red, White, and Blue Tootsie Rolls are also vegetarian. Very strange.

This way to Rape/Hobo/Urine City

me: oh my god I just had the scariest experience. I feel like I could puke my belly hurts so much

Sandy: what happened

me: I went to meet dina at the boroughhall stop and when I had to come back there was this dark little subway entrance on some side street. so I went down, overstepped some flooding and got to this area where there were steel elevators they said "Elevators to trains" but I never take elevators and I didn't want to start now b/c the only other person there was some sketchy guy.

so I looked around and saw a stairwell that was clearly marked "stairway to train" so I walked down the hallway and started down them. As I went down, the smell of urine got worse and worse and more trash started piling up and the lights got darker. And soon I got to the bottom (15 flights!) and there was no effing door! Homeless beds around and dark but no door

Sandy: oh my god. you discovered some secret hobo town

me: so I had to run at full speed back up all the flights, a perfect rape scenario even in daylight.

Then I found some woman to take the elevator with but WTF. Rape/hobo/urine city--

i found its entrance

Sandy: wow that is so crazy

me: but seriously scary

the feeling I had in my stomach was akin to when you were a kid and you would have to go to the basement--the speed with which you would run up the stairs or at least me and Kevin McAlister felt that way.
Sandy: its weird that this happened to you today. i also had a weird thing happen to me at lunch. i kind of got groped by an old dude.

me: WHAT

Sandy: yeah it was bizarre-it was like a drive-by, jog-by actually. hahhaha. he was jogging

Way 2 Go, Gov Pat

From the NYTimes, an article on how Uncle Stanley and Uncle Ronald helped young David Paterson champion gay rights and what it means to NY.

All I've got to say is how refreshing.

3 cavities, 2 hazardous wisdom teeth that need immediate removal, and a partridge in a pear tree.

It had been 3+ years since I'd been to the dentist. I know, I am disgusting. But I didn't have insurance and I feared the rebuke I would get from a hygienist on a power trip. Today I finally went and the news was grim and on the gums there was blood. I really regret not taking better care of my teeth, but today is a new day. I plan to buy a Sonicare toothbrush with part of my stimulus package check (yes we got it!) and I am going to impress that know-it-all masked face bitch with my sparkling chompers. Beware of the glare.

This also makes me think of that Meg Ryan Movie where she and that old man change places by some kind of horrible miracle, and in the end, the old man who stole her identity/body (and kissed her husband!) had just this to say about aging: Floss. That really got to me. Now more than ever.

Death Masks

Both Creepy and Amazing. Actually I love this but my stomach hurts looking at them.

Can you guess who this American Hero is?

Yo.

There is a direct connection between the lack of comments on this blog and the resulting lack of posts. if a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, did it really post a blog?

Also we are moving cross country and I'm a busy bee.

it's gotta be the shoes

Spike Lee is going to direct a Michael Jordan documentary and bring it to Cannes next year. Will we see the long awaited return of Mars Blackmon?

i do like

Animals riding other animals.

I don't like

People who don’t use their sick days.

Probably the same ones who had perfect attendance in high school like this wiener. That’s the thing people, if I thought taking a day or two here or there was hurting my chances at being a leader of men, I probably would get my ass up and be ever-present, but it hasn’t and will not. So, take a little time off. Enjoy horrible daytime tv or go to the beach. Just remember, don’t show up the next day with a tan. That’s really the only rule. And if you do, tell them you needed air and fell asleep on a chair in the sun. or something. It’s like that saying, “you can’t take sick days with you when you’re dead.” That's really true.

This post is dedicated to a certain BOTR editor who spend one day in meetings and the next three in the hospital.

RIP: Sydney Pollack, not Redford. Although Redford's getting up there too. Watch out.

What a diva. Redford, not Pollack.

When Nerds are at Their Best

This little Canadian dudebro is basically going to change the world. He found a way to have bacteria break down plastic bags (which we produce about 500 billion of a year) in a complete natural system that only produces water and tiny amounts of CO2 as waste. The bags would eventually decompose in nature after about a thousand years but he's got his bacteria chowing them down to nothing in about 3 years. My favorite quote from the interview is 'all you need is a fermenter . . . your growth medium, your microbes and your plastic bags.' America take note. The next thing this kid does is probably going to be finding a completely natural a renewable fuel source to run his country on. Then he's going swallow up our oil dependent, recession denying, non-universal healthcare asses and take over the world. Say hello to your future Supreme Ruler.

Two Saying Thursday

1. If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck,
it's a motherfuckin' duck.


2. No Balls, No Babies.

(in this case, babies should be read as a desired, positive outcome)

___________

Thanks to my Mom and D.L. Hughley for introducing
me to those gems. Now go forth and spread them like seed.

OBAMA POEMS!

That's right. Here is one of two poems written by Barack O'bama back in the day. I heard about them from Gus who heard about them from Harpers who heard about them from NY Times who got them from his 1981 college student semi-annual literary journal. You can check out the other at the NY Times link.

UNDERGROUND

Under water grottos, caverns
Filled with apes
That eat figs.
Stepping on the figs
That the apes
Eat, they crunch.
The apes howl, bare
Their fangs, dance,
Tumble in the
Rushing water,
Musty, wet pelts
Glistening in the blue.

Pablo Fajardo Mendoza and Luis Yanza

These guys are incredibly interesting and brave. You can read an interview with them on Treehugger and also find out more about them through the 2008 Goldman Environmental Prize site. They've taken on Chevron, formerly Texaco, for their complete disregard/exploitation of the the environment and people of Ecuador.

CBO

computer bug out

Check your gas temperature

gasbuddy.com

Related News: The White House hates California. The EPA hates the environment.

Manipulation

How Jim and Pam and dogs in movies get my goat.






Last night was the season finale of The Office. It was going good; Jim was all ready to propose and I turned to AP and excitedly said, "I hope it goes ok," to which my husband replied, "it won't. You know it won't. It can't."

And though I hoped that these last few years of emotional trickery on the part of NBC, that the secretary and the salesman of paper would finally join, I knew it wouldn't happen. And, spoiler alert, it effing didn't. I don't even care if I spoiled it for you. What did you think was going to happen? That a season of proposal hints and escalating emotional tension would rightly pay off?

Look, I know when I am being manipulated. It's like that dog, Sam, in "I am Legend." It is adorable and loyal and loving, the only real relationship that Will Smith has. And it's got those expressive eyes, dogs and horses have the most human ones (see Seabiscuit). Did you think for one second that the filmmakers weren't going to kill that dog? No. Did you still weep at its passing? Bet your ass.

All of this has me thinking that I am no longer going to allow myself to be duped by Hollywood's too easy manipulative tactics. That I won't watch The Office and, when I see a cute dog, that I will say, "Fuck you, dog, You are just a plot device."

Maybe one day. We will overcome.

Hopeman

from Wooster Collective

Muxtape

I've been digging on Muxtape lately. It's a pretty simple way to create a playlist that anyone can listen through their web browser. You basically just create an account, upload your favorite tracks, and share your playlist with your friends. You don't have to have an account to check it out, so give it a listen, maybe you'll find a playlist you like. It's easy, colorful, and fun. We would love it if you make a muxtape and send it to us (post the address as a comment). TMT is working on one of our own to share with you next week.

Awesome Banana Bread!

TMT has been enjoying some pretty effing awesome banana bread this week and I'd like to thank my mom for it. Just another reason why she is the best mom ever!

Get a Free Iced Coffee

$242.45

Kage wins. $242.45 is the total. Also we had one of those Kennedy half dollars. Not too shabby.

Cashing in

I'm bringing a giant jar/ceramic ern of change to the change machine and turning it into bills. I'm not using one of the crappy coinstar machines that keeps like 20%, I'm using Commerce Bank. Apparently it's free and some of my friends have used it before and been pleased. The jar is about a foot tall and 6 or 7 inches in diameter (filled mostly with dimes,nickels, and pennies - not really any quarters). Take your best guess at how much we'll get. I'm going with $163.42.

David Copperfield, Illusionist.

Last night, my father and his lady went to see David Copperfield at the Providence Performing Arts Center (or P-Pac, said with a thick NE accent). D-Cop threw frisbees out into the audience to elicit volunteers, and of course my dad caught one. So, D-Cop asks my pop to stand up, and in front of an entire theater, the magician says, "Sir, I loved you in your final season of the Sopranos."

Now I don't know if I should be insulted or proud for my father. Italian Americans are a rare breed, or at least the ones I know. They aren't like Italian-Italians. They really do embrace the otherwise unfortunate stereotypes of the big bellied mafioso from the Godfather and the Sopranos. They love it and quote lines from it compulsively (seriously my dad's speech at my wedding included a Vito Corleone impression). So, maybe it was the best night of my dad's life.

And if not... For those insulted by Mr. Copperfield's slur, our friend, Sandy, at Blog de la Revolution had this to say, "Your dad should have been like, "so i heard you like to rape women on your private island." Zing.

Couldn't make that plane disappear, could ya, Copperfield.

Eye Candy

Speed Racer anyone?

AP is really excited for this movie, I think mostly because he's a designer and see's the Wachowski brothers' latest venture as color porn or "eye candy." Literally, have you seen the colors? The W bros spent around $100 million on the visual effects for Speed Racer, so we are hoping it pays off. So far, reviews are mixed.

Ebert- "Like the animated TV series that inspired this movie, you could look at it with the sound off and it wouldn't matter." Not overly enthusiastic, I'd say. ""Speed Racer" is conveyed through optical design and not so much through more traditional devices such as dialogue, narrative, performance or characterization." However, Bill Gibron of Pop Matters raves- "Forget all the curmudgeonly criticism that argues for this movie’s optical overload capacity - Speed Racer is a modern masterpiece."

What do you think readers? Are you willing to forgive the brothers Wachowski their sins (Matrix sequels) and see Speed Racer in the hopes that it will show the same brilliance as their claim to fame (the Matrix) and, we think, pretty solid V for Vendetta?

We will.

Editors note: We at tmt don't condone drugs or find fault with those who partake, but we can't help but think some psychedelics would enhance a viewing of this particular film. Any lab rats?

Shakin it here, Boss.

I think this would fit awful nice in our new Montana apartment. Just in case you were thinking of getting us something.

Sometimes nothing can be a pretty cool hand.

Scrooge McDuck

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is our privilege at TMT to welcome Mr. Scrooge McDuck, otherwise known as Uncle Scrooge or, in some circles, a tightwad old mallard. Born in Scotland, the son of Fergus McDuck (of the "Dirty" Dingus McDuck line) and his wife, Downy O'Drake, Scrooge immigrated to America at a young age and settled into Duckburg. There, he has amassed a great wealth, and in 2005 ranked #6 on Forbes richest Fictional 15 list (right behind #5 Burns, Charles Montgomery, whose $8.4 billion net worth was just above McDucks'). If you could please give him a warm round of applause, Mr. Scrooge McDuck!

TMT: Good morning, Sir. You look well rested.

S.M.: And why not?

TMT: Well we have it on good authority that you were counting your coin till early this morning, followed by an invigorating swim through your massive money bin. Diving like a dolphin.

S.M.: If I didn't count it, how would I know its weight?

TMT: Why don't you have your grandnephews do that work for you?

S.M.: They'd pinch it. I told them before, it's my number 1 coin. Mine. What do you know about them boys and their greed?

TMT: We've not been able to speak to them. May we see if-

S.M.: And another thing, if the old money pit were to empty, I would track down the ducks responsible.

(McDuck stares at the TMT editor, sizing her up, silently. Then, shaking away a thought, he continues in his thick brogue)

Then, I would just refill it. There is always another rainbow.

TMT: Good point. Well thanks, Mr. McDuck. We appreciate your time.

S.M.: That will be 1 thousand dollars.

My sister stole my coat so I stole Lindsey Lohan's.

in response to the New York Post's COVER STORY, "Lindsey Lohan Stole My Coat," I want to say that it isn't entirely her fault.

About the first female presidential candidate

Union leader, Paul Gipson, president of a steelworkers local in Indiana, endorsed Hillary Clinton last week, praising her for her toughness, for what he called her "testicular fortitude."

I am seething over this. My feminist sensibilities are boiling over.

Though, what do you expect from a dumb meat-head, steelworker.

A word to the wise

Don't buy pistachios without the shells. I say this only because we got some for our salads and I brought a bag with me to work. Today, without being slowed down by fun/fingertip destroying task of unshelling, I burned through 30,000 and now I weigh 285 pounds.

Top 100 films from TimesOnline

This list is not what you'd expect. Citizen Kane didn't win for starters, and There Will Be Blood got second. Take a look for the good of your queue.

John McCain's Luck

Saw this on Colbert Report last night, but worth repeating. McCain is seriously superstitious. From the Washington Post:

The candidate himself is the leading shaman. He keeps on his person a lucky compass, a lucky feather, a lucky penny and, at times, a lucky rock. He assigns Weaver to carry his lucky pen--a Zebra Jimnie Gel Rollerball (medium, blue)--at all times. For added luck, he wears his magical L.L. Bean rubber-soled dress shoes.

You want more: He makes his political director carry his lucky pen ("a Zebra Jimnie Gel Rollerball medium, blue), he must sleep on a certain side of the bed, never puts a hat on a bed (yeah, I don't know), and he has to watch a movie before the votes are counted. He even has "lucky food," barbecue, and a lucky friend, "Steve Dart," that has been present for all of McCain's elections days since he got his congressional seat.

For the full story, including how the whole McCain staff joins in with lucky Hawaiian shirts and lucky khaki socks, see this.

Editor's Note: Look I'm for Obama through and through, but I can't help but liking this amount of crazy in anybody, no matter their politics.

So our favorite bloodied bride, Uma Thurman, testified at her stalker's trial today in Manhattan.

From the NY Times:

The power of her reading was heightened by her own haggard, pared down appearance. She wore a gray shawl thrown over black slacks and a black sweater. Her golden hair was carelessly knotted in back, with long strands loose on both sides of her face. She wore no makeup and looked thin and hollow-eyed.

Jeeze, Anemona Hartocollis. Was that necessary?

Time to be influenced.

TMT wants to congratulate Shigeru Miyamoto for being the reader's choice pick for Time Magazine's World's Most Influential People. The father of video game design, famous for creating such staples as Mario, Donkey Kong, The Legend of Zelda The Legend of Zelda, and future classics like Mario Galaxy for Wii, beat out #2 seat, Korean pop sensation, RAIN, by more than 300,000 votes.

(I don't know who RAIN is, which again shows my general lack of global information, something I am trying to work on. Note to self: pick up a RAIN smash single). But this is the stupid part of the list, the Fan Favorites, which includes such influential characters as Tyra Banks, the Cast of Highschool Musical, and Eliot Spitzer.

The real list chosen by Time Magazine includes much more appropriate characters, their profiles written by other VIPs/friends. Read Vladimir Putin by Madeleine Albright, Dalai Lama by Deepak Chopra. Or Hillary Clinton by Rob Reiner. Ok so I don't know why Mr. When Harry Met Sally gets a say, but still. It is a fun way to pass the time.

Happy 5th Birthday