Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Welcome to your first day, D-ball.

So yesterday was my first day of teacher training.

editor's note: I've been at teacher training that's why I haven't posted. Starting Monday, I am going to instruct 25 college freshman on the ins and outs of composition. I am drinking right now to cope with the anxiety of that responsibility.

Think back on all your first days, readers. Nervousness, new outfits, new people. On my first day of junior high, I waited at the bus stop in pleated skirt, hoping to come off all catholic school cute. It didn't work out as planned. Before the final bell, I am pretty sure I heard some boys making fun of my excessive arm hair.

Things have not changed so much over the years. Yesterday morning, I picked the perfect outfit. It was casual, but nice, trying, but not too hard. I blow dried my hair and I put on eye shadow for the first time all summer. Then I hopped on my bike and headed for campus.

Cut to me, walking into a nearly full room, sweating like a pig. Seriously people, bike riding is not the easy exercise of my youth. I huffed and I puffed and I opened my classroom door to find everyone perfectly put together in their first day gear, and me, the with a glandular problem. So bad I was wiping my face with balled up tissues the whole first half of class. Sometimes I would have to blow my nose with the sweaty tissues. I was a monster, nice to meet you.

Please comment on your first days. My drink is almost gone and I need to commiserate.


  1. Flashback to the first day of my junior year of college. It was a rainy day and I was wearing flip-flops. For those of you who know me well, you know where this is heading...

    I was wearing a jean skirt (one with the slight slit in the front), carrying my bag and an umbrella. I foolishly attempted to step over a painted speed bump, but the combination of the wet paint and my wet flip-flops proved quite hazardous. Not only did I fall flat on my ass, the slit in my skirt ripped all the way up to my lady parts and both of my flip-flops broke (the thong part popped right out). I hobbled to class barefoot, holding my umbrella over the rip in my skirt, while the rain just poured over me. Excellent first impression.

    Thinking back, I have no idea why I went to class. The first day really isn’t that serious.

  2. This is not a first day of school, but a first day of work thing. My first day of my internship at the News, I was put in the bureau that was a tiny room with only four other people.

    I had the worst UTI of my life.

    I'll leave the rest up to your imaginations.

  3. you peed blood all over the tiny shared carpet?