Detective Munch

Everyday, on my NJ transit train, I ride with Richard Belzer. For those of you unfamiliar, Belzer plays Detective John Munch on Homicide: Life on the Street (can you believe a show is actually named that) and Law and Order SVU, in which he partners the ever-hugable Ice-T. He is a stand-up comedian, a testicular cancer survivor (one nut), a conspiracy theorist, and a stand up guy (he once testified on behalf of a criminal who, when running from actual Baltimore police, ran onto the set of Homicide: Life on the Street. The criminal surrendered to the actors and Belzer said the look on the man's face was punishment enough.)

He is also a NJ Transit rider. Some mornings, I want to say "Munch, tell me your story and tell me fast, I get off at Hoboken." I want him to share details of his life, like how he handled both his parents' deaths at a young age (his mother died of cancer when he was 18 and his father committed suicide when Belzer was only 22). Or what is it like to have The Fonz (Henry Winkler) for a cousin. And what I really really want to hear about is the infamous Hulk Hogan incident:

"In 1985 on his cable tv talk show Hot Properities, just days prior to the inaugural WrestleMania, Belzer said wrestling was fake and insisted Hulk Hogan put a wrestling move on him. Hogan put Belzer in a front chin lock or sleeper hold, which caused Belzer to pass out. When Hogan released him, Belzer hit his head on the floor, sustaining a laceration to his scalp which required him to be hospitalized briefly. Belzer sued Hogan for $5 million, and later settled out of court. Belzer used the settlement (rumored to be $1.5 million) to purchase a cottage in France where he and his wife Harlee live when he's not working in the U.S."


Alas, he mostly sleeps through the commute. And there's no way I am going to wake a man with a gun.

Editors note: The man who rides Maren's train may or may not be Richard Belzer, but he sure looks like him. Other famous commuters on the 7:36 train from Bay Street are Daniel Craig, Anthony Bourdain, and Queen Elizabeth.