Me as SuperVillian

This morning on the Path, a dude behind me kept bending down to sort through his bag on the floor. He kept bumping my back with his arms and head. Then he hit my backside. He hit my butt with his head. He pretended he didn't but I knew he did and he knew he did and that little jerk didn't apologize, just kept digging away (in his bag, not my ass). It got me to thinking--how would I inflict pain if I were to one day get physical.

I would want it to be original and poetic. For the hunter, I would spear them with one of their trophies-antler to the balls. For the postman who failed to deliver--one million paper cuts. And to the butt-head, the man on the train with his head up my ass, I would fart a poison green Batman-esque acid cloud.

Alas I'm a lady. I don't resort to violence and I never, ever pass gas.