Friday, May 30, 2008
Tootsie Pops — Vegetarian
For some reason the chewy chocolate center of your Tootsie Pop is slightly different then a regular Tootsie Roll. An important difference - Gelatin. It also seems as though Vanilla and the Red, White, and Blue Tootsie Rolls are also vegetarian. Very strange.
Sandy: its weird that this happened to you today. i also had a weird thing happen to me at lunch. i kind of got groped by an old dude.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
This also makes me think of that Meg Ryan Movie where she and that old man change places by some kind of horrible miracle, and in the end, the old man who stole her identity/body (and kissed her husband!) had just this to say about aging: Floss. That really got to me. Now more than ever.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
People who don’t use their sick days.
Probably the same ones who had perfect attendance in high school like this wiener. That’s the thing people, if I thought taking a day or two here or there was hurting my chances at being a leader of men, I probably would get my ass up and be ever-present, but it hasn’t and will not. So, take a little time off. Enjoy horrible daytime tv or go to the beach. Just remember, don’t show up the next day with a tan. That’s really the only rule. And if you do, tell them you needed air and fell asleep on a chair in the sun. or something. It’s like that saying, “you can’t take sick days with you when you’re dead.” That's really true.
This post is dedicated to a certain BOTR editor who spend one day in meetings and the next three in the hospital.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
it's a motherfuckin' duck.
2. No Balls, No Babies.
(in this case, babies should be read as a desired, positive outcome)
me to those gems. Now go forth and spread them like seed.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Under water grottos, caverns
Filled with apes
That eat figs.
Stepping on the figs
That the apes
Eat, they crunch.
The apes howl, bare
Their fangs, dance,
Tumble in the
Musty, wet pelts
Glistening in the blue.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Last night was the season finale of The Office. It was going good; Jim was all ready to propose and I turned to AP and excitedly said, "I hope it goes ok," to which my husband replied, "it won't. You know it won't. It can't."
And though I hoped that these last few years of emotional trickery on the part of NBC, that the secretary and the salesman of paper would finally join, I knew it wouldn't happen. And, spoiler alert, it effing didn't. I don't even care if I spoiled it for you. What did you think was going to happen? That a season of proposal hints and escalating emotional tension would rightly pay off?
Look, I know when I am being manipulated. It's like that dog, Sam, in "I am Legend." It is adorable and loyal and loving, the only real relationship that Will Smith has. And it's got those expressive eyes, dogs and horses have the most human ones (see Seabiscuit). Did you think for one second that the filmmakers weren't going to kill that dog? No. Did you still weep at its passing? Bet your ass.
All of this has me thinking that I am no longer going to allow myself to be duped by Hollywood's too easy manipulative tactics. That I won't watch The Office and, when I see a cute dog, that I will say, "Fuck you, dog, You are just a plot device."
Maybe one day. We will overcome.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Now I don't know if I should be insulted or proud for my father. Italian Americans are a rare breed, or at least the ones I know. They aren't like Italian-Italians. They really do embrace the otherwise unfortunate stereotypes of the big bellied mafioso from the Godfather and the Sopranos. They love it and quote lines from it compulsively (seriously my dad's speech at my wedding included a Vito Corleone impression). So, maybe it was the best night of my dad's life.
And if not... For those insulted by Mr. Copperfield's slur, our friend, Sandy, at Blog de la Revolution had this to say, "Your dad should have been like, "so i heard you like to rape women on your private island." Zing.
Couldn't make that plane disappear, could ya, Copperfield.
Friday, May 9, 2008
AP is really excited for this movie, I think mostly because he's a designer and see's the Wachowski brothers' latest venture as color porn or "eye candy." Literally, have you seen the colors? The W bros spent around $100 million on the visual effects for Speed Racer, so we are hoping it pays off. So far, reviews are mixed.
Ebert- "Like the animated TV series that inspired this movie, you could look at it with the sound off and it wouldn't matter." Not overly enthusiastic, I'd say. ""Speed Racer" is conveyed through optical design and not so much through more traditional devices such as dialogue, narrative, performance or characterization." However, Bill Gibron of Pop Matters raves- "Forget all the curmudgeonly criticism that argues for this movie’s optical overload capacity - Speed Racer is a modern masterpiece."
What do you think readers? Are you willing to forgive the brothers Wachowski their sins (Matrix sequels) and see Speed Racer in the hopes that it will show the same brilliance as their claim to fame (the Matrix) and, we think, pretty solid V for Vendetta?
Editors note: We at tmt don't condone drugs or find fault with those who partake, but we can't help but think some psychedelics would enhance a viewing of this particular film. Any lab rats?
Thursday, May 8, 2008
TMT: Good morning, Sir. You look well rested.
S.M.: And why not?
TMT: Well we have it on good authority that you were counting your coin till early this morning, followed by an invigorating swim through your massive money bin. Diving like a dolphin.
S.M.: If I didn't count it, how would I know its weight?
TMT: Why don't you have your grandnephews do that work for you?
S.M.: They'd pinch it. I told them before, it's my number 1 coin. Mine. What do you know about them boys and their greed?
TMT: We've not been able to speak to them. May we see if-
S.M.: And another thing, if the old money pit were to empty, I would track down the ducks responsible.
(McDuck stares at the TMT editor, sizing her up, silently. Then, shaking away a thought, he continues in his thick brogue)
Then, I would just refill it. There is always another rainbow.
TMT: Good point. Well thanks, Mr. McDuck. We appreciate your time.
S.M.: That will be 1 thousand dollars.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
in response to the New York Post's COVER STORY, "Lindsey Lohan Stole My Coat," I want to say that it isn't entirely her fault.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Union leader, Paul Gipson, president of a steelworkers local in Indiana, endorsed Hillary Clinton last week, praising her for her toughness, for what he called her "testicular fortitude."
I am seething over this. My feminist sensibilities are boiling over.
Though, what do you expect from a dumb meat-head, steelworker.
Don't buy pistachios without the shells. I say this only because we got some for our salads and I brought a bag with me to work. Today, without being slowed down by fun/fingertip destroying task of unshelling, I burned through 30,000 and now I weigh 285 pounds.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
The candidate himself is the leading shaman. He keeps on his person a lucky compass, a lucky feather, a lucky penny and, at times, a lucky rock. He assigns Weaver to carry his lucky pen--a Zebra Jimnie Gel Rollerball (medium, blue)--at all times. For added luck, he wears his magical L.L. Bean rubber-soled dress shoes.
You want more: He makes his political director carry his lucky pen ("a Zebra Jimnie Gel Rollerball medium, blue), he must sleep on a certain side of the bed, never puts a hat on a bed (yeah, I don't know), and he has to watch a movie before the votes are counted. He even has "lucky food," barbecue, and a lucky friend, "Steve Dart," that has been present for all of McCain's elections days since he got his congressional seat.
For the full story, including how the whole McCain staff joins in with lucky Hawaiian shirts and lucky khaki socks, see this.
Editor's Note: Look I'm for Obama through and through, but I can't help but liking this amount of crazy in anybody, no matter their politics.
From the NY Times:
The power of her reading was heightened by her own haggard, pared down appearance. She wore a gray shawl thrown over black slacks and a black sweater. Her golden hair was carelessly knotted in back, with long strands loose on both sides of her face. She wore no makeup and looked thin and hollow-eyed.
Jeeze, Anemona Hartocollis. Was that necessary?
TMT wants to congratulate Shigeru Miyamoto for being the reader's choice pick for Time Magazine's World's Most Influential People. The father of video game design, famous for creating such staples as Mario, Donkey Kong, The Legend of Zelda The Legend of Zelda, and future classics like Mario Galaxy for Wii, beat out #2 seat, Korean pop sensation, RAIN, by more than 300,000 votes.
(I don't know who RAIN is, which again shows my general lack of global information, something I am trying to work on. Note to self: pick up a RAIN smash single). But this is the stupid part of the list, the Fan Favorites, which includes such influential characters as Tyra Banks, the Cast of Highschool Musical, and Eliot Spitzer.
The real list chosen by Time Magazine includes much more appropriate characters, their profiles written by other VIPs/friends. Read Vladimir Putin by Madeleine Albright, Dalai Lama by Deepak Chopra. Or Hillary Clinton by Rob Reiner. Ok so I don't know why Mr. When Harry Met Sally gets a say, but still. It is a fun way to pass the time.