The War

There is a war waged on chest hair and everyone must choose a side. For our part, Too Much Teeth is the proud part-owner of a chest forest, a bushel of curly soft body hair that makes us manly. And the women love it.

Well, Maren loves it and all other women admire from a distance the way her man knows how to grow hair on his chest. Don't scream, but it wasn't always this way. When they first hooked up at Pratt, Maren pulled off Adam's Bruce Springsteen band tee to find a devastating wasteland of torso, and the prickle of the recently shaved. She was aghast. Why in the hell?

Today, when asked why he choose the razor, Adam answers "I don't know. That's a good question." Maren presses the issue. "Were you trying to fit in? (presumably with your posse of 8-year-old friends)?" "No, I wouldn't say that. Maybe I just didn't like the way chest hair looked." "But it's gorgeous."

We may never know why men who are blessed with the gift of masculinity, the thing all women are intrinsically attracted to whether they admit it or not (the Russell Crowe defense), choose to shave their chest. But when the day of reckoning comes, we will, without a doubt, be on the side of the wooly.