Friday, April 25, 2008

Hidden Valley, you are on notice.

Dear Hidden Valley,

Your ranch is delicious. And you are right; it does make everything taste better. Saying that, I have to tell you, your commercials do everything they can to make your dynamite product look ass nasty.

Case 1: The mammoth bowl.
When a gang of little kids run up, veggies in hands, to the bowl of HVR the size of a bathtub, I get queasy. Seriously that bowl has way too much dressing in it. You could serve a family style pasta meal in there. A whole elementary school couldn't finish that bowl, never mind five kids. Do you plan to just refrigerate the 5 gallons of leftover, half-used dressing? Cause that shit will go bad and fast.

Case 2: The globby no mix salad.
This one is worse than Case 1. You have a fit young lady pour an excessive amount of HVR over her salad. She doesn't mix it in, but instead, just forks the top. She maybe gets one piece of lettuce in that huge mouthful of dressing. Why don't you let her mix it? Why would you do that to someone?

In conclusion, Hidden Valley Ranch is good. But for the love of god, please market it responsibly.


  1. Agreed. Also, what about the commercial where the kid is magically transported from her dorm room, back to her parents' kitchen, and to happier times? Why can't she just enjoy college life AND salad dressing? Does Hidden Valley strip post-adolescents of their yearnings for independence?

  2. This is off topic, but I gag when the commercial for the danon yogurt smoothies comes on. The chick is on a bike ride on a hot summer day and stops for a gulp of refreshing, cool...yogurt. That shit is probably curdled.